April Fool's Seeley, The Aftermath
by gawilliams
Summary: Booth is horrified to learn that Bones is getting ready for a discussion with Father Mitch about the Summa Theologica only a couple of weeks after Mitch's April Fools joke.
1. Chapter 1

_Thank you for the wonderful response to _April Fool's Seeley_. It was a fun story and I am glad that so many of you enjoyed it. This is a fun little add on companion piece to it that I hope you enjoy as well. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Booth walked into the dining room of their home and found Bones working on her laptop and taking notes on a legal pad. He went and grabbed a beer and sat down across from her. He enjoyed watching her work on her novels, as he could always get a rise out of her by begging to read some of the draft which she always refused. Maybe a bit childish, but it was fun.

"Whatcha working on, Bones?" he asked, taking another drink of his beer.

"Preparing some questions and observations for a conversation I will be having with Mitch next week," she told him.

Booth instantly started choking and having a coughing fit. "What?" he exclaimed.

Bones raised a brow of half concern and half amusement. "I said I am preparing some questions and observations for a discussion with Mitch," she told him again.

Booth began to sweat bullets. He was still recovering from that _**horrifying**_ April Fools joke Mitch had played on him a couple of weeks before. The _**last**_ thing he needed was for Mitch and Bones to have a _**conversation**_ before he had fully recovered his emotional equilibrium.

"Uh, just what will you two be discussing?" he decided to ask just in case they were going to have a discussion about something not related to God.

"We had a fascinating discussion a few months ago about the _Treatise on the Incarnation _in the _Summa Theologica_ and we are now going to discuss the one major assumption within the _Summa_ and one major assumption implicit within the _Treatise on the Incarnation_," she told him. "Specifically question one."

Booth gulped. "Assumptions?" he managed to ask, keeping the nausea at bay, just barely.

"The major assumption in the _Summa_ is the existence of God without disputation," she told him. "The major assumption within the _Treatise on the Incarnation_ is that God is perfect, again without serious disputation and substantiation."

Booth felt a serious migraine coming on. It was the April Fools joke all over again, but this time it was possibly happening.

"First, Bones, if I remember right, Aquinas wrote that in a time where saying God doesn't exist, or even trying to argue such a thing to play Devil's Advocate would get you burned at the stake," he told her. "I think he can be forgiven for trying to avoid being torched. Second, I don't think it's such a good idea to discuss this with Mitch."

"I will concede the logic of the first, though I do feel it needs to be discussed in order to make the argumentation of the Summa more effective as a teaching tool," she admitted without withdrawing the criticism. "As for not discussing it with Mitch, what reason do you have for such an assertion?"

"Because you may convince him that your atheist hooey is right and then where would he be? He's a _**PRIEST**_, Bones," Booth pleaded. Pathetic, but this was too important to maintain his macho image. "Imagine what would happen if a Priest says God doesn't exist?"

"One more person who utilizes logic instead of some perceived gut reaction called Faith," Bones goaded him, loving to see him get flustered.

"A man of God is _**supposed**_ to have Faith, Bones," Booth shot back, his hackles raised as he knew that the existence of God couldn't be proven scientifically, but had to be accepted through Faith.

"And if his Faith is strong a simple discussion shouldn't be a problem," she pointed out, once again making a logical point. "Besides which, we are having a philosophical discussion on a widely accepted work of theology, not a debate about the actual existence or non-existence of God."

"I still don't like it, Bones," he told her, trying to get his mind wrapped around such a discussion. Mitch's joke had really scared the crap out of him. It was a terribly effective joke, and he fervently hoped that no one ever played such a joke on him ever again.

"Would you care to sit in on the discussion?" she asked, knowing what he would say.

"Absolutely not," he said instantly. "I've had enough horrifying moments on that subject to last a life time. I will simply put my mind, and eyes, in the Good Book and pray that you don't convince Mitch that those assumptions are bogus. I'm _**sure**_ the Man Upstairs won't let me down."

"Your imaginary friend has no impact on a discussion based on logical disputation," Bones told him, enjoying the increasingly flustered look on his face.

"But that's Modernism!" Booth bellowed, even though he knew that his understanding of what Modernism is in terms of the Church was minimal at best.

"Neither of us is using modern scholarly techniques to teach or make changes in accepted doctrinal matters, Booth," Bones pointed out. "Nor are we publishing any of the conversations we are having. The techniques we use in our discussions may be somewhat Modernist in nature, but not focused in the direction that motivated Pius X to brand it as unacceptable in his Encyclical letter _Pascendi Dominici Gregis_."

"There are times that you are simply too intelligent, Bones," he said with a sigh.

"There is no such thing as too intelligent," she shot back, the old arguments alive and well. She winked at him in good humor and she was glad when he smiled.

"I think I need to get some air," he told her as he stood up.

"Tell Mitch I said hello," Bones told him knowingly.

Booth shot her a glare as he walked out the door, but didn't contradict her knowing statement of his intentions to see Mitch. He just knew that it was getting bad when Bones was getting to be able to read him so damn well. Oh, well, that was love for you. Now he had to have a little chat with Mitch and make sure his friend knew what was expected of him. No turning atheist for Mitch while Booth was on the job!

_A/N: Next up is Booth's conversation with Mitch. I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of this one. Gregg._


	2. Chapter 2

_Thank you for the response to the first chapter of this one. I am writing the April Fool's stories for the pure humor involved, but I hope a bit of seriousness bleeds through, such as Booth's Faith and how important it is to him, despite the jokes being played on him. I hope you enjoy this one. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Booth barreled into the chapel looking around and saw who he was looking for. He was not in a great mood, as his conversation with Bones had him freaked out again. Damn Mitch and his April Fool's joke! Mitch was a true believer, he was sure, but Bones was _**not**_ someone who could be debated with and come away unscathed. The absolute _**last**_ thing Booth wanted was a phone call, or worse yet, a personal visit, from His Holiness demanding to know what on Earth was happening when a priest defects to the other side. That special level of Hell courtesy of the Man Upstairs was beginning to look more and more like a reality in his freaked out mind.

"Mitch!" Booth said as he came up to his friend. "I know all about this so-called conversation coming up and I want to know what you intend to do about it," he said without preamble.

Mitch had to fight the urge to laugh at his friend. The practical joke that he had played on Seeley had been priceless, and it was still paying dividends it seemed. His mind went quickly back to what happened when he told Seeley it was an April Fools joke.

"_Are you insane?" Booth demanded, shooting up from his seat and glaring at Mitch with full venom._

"_Why would you think that?" Mitch asked, very amused._

"_Oh, I don't know, maybe the massive stroke I almost had because of you!" Booth practically shouted. He looked up and saw that the Phillies were down 5-0 and it was only the second inning. "Damn! Now even the game is a bust!"_

"_It was only a joke, Seeley," Mitch assured him._

"_You and the Cardinal leaving the Priesthood and becoming Atheists?" Booth said incredulously. "I think you need to brush up on what a joke is! That's an apocalyptic catastrophe!"_

"_I wouldn't go quite that far," Mitch chuckled._

"_Oh?" Booth questioned. "Playing it up so I think His Holiness is going to want a _**chat**_ with yours truly about what _**Nimrod**_ introduced Bones to you and His Eminence? I about had a heart attack!"_

"_And His Eminence and I will be in confession for this one soon," Mitch assured him._

"_The Cardinal knows about this?" Booth freaked that a Cardinal would agree to this._

"_He laughed his proverbial behind off," Mitch told him._

"_Don't do it again!" Booth said firmly and then planted himself in his chair and grabbed a fresh hot dog from the warmer. He took a large bite trying to ignore the urge to seriously maim his friend._

"Nothing is going to happen as a result of one conversation, Seeley," Mitch returned to the present.

"You're going to be discussing the assumption about the existence of God and also the perfection of God!" Booth ground out. "Somehow your assurances don't quite cut it anymore, Mitch. So, what are you going to do?"

"It is the _**assumptions**_ that we are discussing, not the actual fact issue," Mitch told him. "That makes a world of difference, Seeley. It is a fundamental weakness in any religious work of significance that is considered as Doctrine. Modern dialectic tends to fall within the bounds of Modernism and as such is beyond the scope of allowed scholarship."

"Then if it isn't allowed then why are you even pursuing a discussion with Bones about it?" Booth questioned, latching onto something, anything, that might end this right here and now.

"Because what we are doing is not Modernism," Mitch explained. "We aren't challenging doctrine, and we aren't publishing or teaching anything we discuss. It's a fine distinction, but valid."

"Well, I don't like it," Booth told him. "You don't know Bones like I do. She's sneaky and a grand master at debate."

"You seem to handle her pretty well," Mitch observed.

"Hardly," Booth told him. "You know all my complaints about the money I spend on organic vegetables? It's because Bones scared the crap out of me when she told me about some BS study that a lack of organic foods will make my manhood shrink. I still can't find that damn study she mentioned, but I'm too scared that she's not kidding to not take her seriously unless I know she made it up for sure."

Mitch restrained himself from laughing when Seeley continued mumbling about $5 tomatoes and carrots. "Okay," he said finally. "What will it take for you to calm down? My written assurance that she won't be able to convince me of her view on God and his perfection?"

"Notarized," Booth said firmly. "I'll bring a guy from the Bureau tomorrow who's also a notary."

Mitch's eyes about popped out. "You're serious?" he asked incredulously. "I was joking, Seeley!"

"Well I'm not," Booth said with finality. "There is no way I am going to risk getting excommunicated because the love of my life convinces my _**priest**_ that God doesn't exist."

"Alright," Mitch conceded, a bit amused at Seeley's antics. "You know you could always come with her and listen in on the conversation."

"No," Booth said with a glare. "I don't wanna be horrified. I will be burying myself in the Bible and saying the Rosary any number of times until the nightmare is over with."

"Okay, I'm going to head on home and get some sleep," Booth stood up. "I'll be by here at noon with that agreement and my friend."

Mitch watched him go and when he was sure Booth was gone he burst out laughing. Then he went back to putting some new Mysals in the pews. The Cardinal was going to get a good laugh out of this one for sure. A freaked out Seeley Booth was a fun sight indeed.

_A/N: Not a terribly long update, but a fun one. I couldn't resist Booth demanding a notarized agreement. It just demonstrates how messed up he is after the April Fools joke. Don't worry, all will end well for everyone. Gregg._


	3. Chapter 3

_Here's one more chapter to this one. I am taking my time on this as I want the balance between a very crazed Booth and the inevitable good ending to be done just right. Thank you for your patience and continued interest in Father Mitch. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Booth had to be very sneaky and careful. He was working his way through a number of files on Bones' laptop, and if she caught him he would be minus a very important piece of his anatomy. Junior and the Boys were screaming at him to cease and desist as this was _**not**_ a good idea. It could only lead to some serious trouble. But Damn It! He just didn't trust Mitch to be up to snuff for the upcoming debate with Bones. Hence he was looking for her specific questions and points to make that she was doodling out the night before. Thankfully he had an excuse to be using her laptop. His own beautiful machine (a souped up gift from Bones) was down for the count as some jack ass at work had put a virus in it on the sly as a joke and it was still on the fritz _**despite**_ the tech departments best efforts.

"Have any trouble getting into the FBI mainframe?" Bones asked from where she was sitting across the room from him.

"No problems, Bones," he assured her. He clicked on a file icon that looked promising and all of a sudden alarms began blaring and an explosion graphic was decimating the screen. "What the _**Hell**_?" he shouted.

"You won't find my notes in there, Booth," she told him, hiding a very amused smile behind the anthropology journal she was reading. "Type in _I was caught RED HANDED_, Booth," she told him. "And then you can log off of my laptop and spend the rest of the evening catering to my every need."

"Yes, Bones," he said sheepishly, then brightened. "Sexual needs?" he said seductively.

"No," Bones told him. "I think that it's about time that you spend some time in the bathrooms cleaning them to a spotless shine, and then you may make me a tofu based dinner which you will be sharing. That of course, is just the beginning of what you will be doing to take care of my needs."

"But I hate tofu, Bones," Booth whined. "It makes me want to hurl! And the bathrooms were just scrubbed to within an inch of their lives yesterday when the housekeeper came in. I swear she's a demon on the old porcelain bowl and ceramic tiling."

"There's always room for improvement, Booth," Bones told him, still not looking over the journal she was reading at him. "And once you get the dinner done and the bathroom cleaned, I will have some more chores ready for you."

"Thanks, Bones," Booth mumbled as he powered down her laptop and made his ay to the kitchen. He pulled out the tofu, barely able to keep from retching. God he hated that stuff!

Three hours later he was finally finished with the bathrooms. It had brought back horrid memories of basic training and being put on latrine duty. Bones had actually done a white glove inspection! At the rate this punishment detail was going he wouldn't be surprised if he was made permanent latrine officer and made to use his Green Lantern toothbrush for the fine detail scrubbing on the brass and chrome! The worst part was was that he now knew where her notes and questions were. They were in her shoulder bag. He would have to purloin the bag in the middle of the night and then take some pictures with the small, digital micro camera he had for surveillance work. Now if he could only figure out how to get out of bed without Bones knowing. The woman was an octopus in bed when she was asleep!

He did have to smile, though, thinking about Mitch when he had shown up at the church with his friend the notary and demanded that Mitch sign a full scale agreement that under no circumstances would he let Bones convince him of the seeming beauty of atheism. It was a contract now, signed, sealed and delivered! He still was going to be saying the Rosary a few hundred times, pray more than that, and bury himself in his Bible, but at least he had a ray of hope given the contract.

After careful maneuvering he was able to get out of the bed and make his way to the study where Bones had her shoulder bag. Using a small LED flashlight he picked through the contents, grimacing when he saw a couple of feminine hygiene products, and then had success. He almost let loose a shout of glory when he pulled out the pages. Placing them down he put the light in his mouth and then used his camera to take pictures of each page. It was right out of a spy movie or something. When he finished he carefully put them back exactly as he'd found them. He was still scared to death about missing body parts and all.

He managed, just barely, to get back into bed without Bones any the wiser. He fell asleep dreaming of angry Cardinals and stern lectures from His Holiness. Needless to say he was not in a terribly charitable mood the next morning. His mood soured even more when Bones handed him a list of chores for that evening as they were walking out the door to head off to work. Right at the top in plain sight was _Purchase Tampons and Pads_. Yep. This discussion business between Mitch and Bones was a losing proposition all around for Seeley Booth.

At three in the afternoon Booth came barreling into the church. He was on a mission. Scanning the pews and then the altar, he nodded and made his way to the confessionals and waited patiently. He didn't have long to wait until Mitch emerged.

"Another agreement to sign and have notarized, Seeley?" Mitch asked, a bit more amusement than the prior day in his voice.

"I'm still worried about this discussion, Mitch," Booth told him without preamble.

"Seeley, my doctoral work was on the _Summa Theologica_," Mitch replied. "I think I can hold my own."

"Well, I'm going to make sure you're up to snuff," Booth told him firmly. He handed over a stack of printouts. "Those are Bones' questions and notes. Study them and kick ass. Got it?"

Mitch looked at the pages in disbelief. They were printouts of pages written in Temperance's hand writing. It looked like he either scanned the originals or photos of the originals onto his computer and printed them out.

"I think you're obsessing just a little too much, Seeley," Mitch told his friend. "Maybe you should talk to someone about this? Like that therapist you and Temperance are required to see?"

"I am not obsessing!" Booth said firmly. "And the last person I will discuss my **_anything_** with is Sweets! The little twit has made enough of a mess with my mind as it is. Now I will be checking up on your prep work two days before the discussion and make sure you have answers for all this stuff. If not, then we'll be having a chat with the Cardinal and make sure you are ready to defend God and Church against the opposition. And remember, she's sneaky."

Mitch watched as Seeley left the Church and then he looked back down at the notes. Shaking his head he made his way to his office. He made a mental note to keep an eye on Seeley and make sure that his joke on the poor man hadn't really driven him over the edge.

_A/N: Just a fun addition to the story. I'm thinking of adding in the Cardinal, too, but haven't decided yet. I hope you enjoyed this one. Gregg._


	4. Chapter 4

_Sorry for the delay on this new chapter, but I've been working on a couple of simultaneous projects lately. I hope that this one is an enjoyable update. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

"Your Eminence," Father Mitch said as he kissed the Episcopal ring that the Acting Papal Nuncio, and his Diocesan Archbishop, wore on his right ring finger. "Thank you for granting me the time."

"I don't stand on ceremony, Mitch," Brad Cardinal Thomas said as he sat down in an easy chair angled toward the other easy chair in the large office. "What's going on that you needed to see me?"

Mitch chuckled. Cardinal Thomas was an old friend and it was always easy to talk to him about anything. "I think our little prank on Seeley has produced some unintended results," he told him.

Cardinal Thomas laughed. That joke had been one for the record books. He only wished that he could have been there to see the look on Seeley's face as Mitch played it with his consummate skill. "And just what results are we talking about?" he asked curiously.

Mitch explained what Seeley had done in the past few days. At different times Cardinal Thomas laughed at the images being described. He really laughed at the thought of Seeley bringing in a contract of sorts to be signed and notarized stating that Mitch would not lose his Faith. The situation really was funny, but at the same time worrisome.

"I see what you mean," Brad said with a sigh. "Maybe you did go a little too far on the joke. This could get out of hand. I haven't met Temperance personally, but from what you've told me, and what I've heard of her from other sources, she is quite formidable."

"That's an understatement," Mitch chuckled. "She's brilliant, and while she does not believe in God, and scoffs at the Church, she is an expert on doctrinal matters and theology. My doctorate is on the _Summa_, and I have a difficult time debating her on the subject."

"Too bad she doesn't believe as she sounds like she would make an excellent professor of theology," Brad mused.

"No doubt," Mitch agreed, though the image of her teaching theology and Booth in attendance came dancing into his mind and the humor of it made him laugh again. He told Brad that and the Cardinal laughed as well.

"Seeley's done a lot for the Church," Brad mused. "Let me see what I can do about this. Perhaps we can make this right somehow. But I would like to meet Temperance."

"Just make sure she doesn't convince you God doesn't exist," Mitch joked.

Brad laughed. "I think I can safely say that won't happen," he assured his friend. "But she will be an interesting person to meet."

The next day Booth stopped in at the Jeffersonian to have lunch with Bones. He knew that she didn't have time to join him at the Diner, so he brought some Thai to her office. He could always get her to drop things for fifteen minutes when he did that. Walking into her office he stopped dead in his tracks and almost dropped the food he was carrying. There in her office stood the Cardinal! Brad Cardinal Thomas! The Archbishop of the DC Diocese and Acting Papal Nuncio!

"Ah, Seeley!" Cardinal Thomas said with a smile when he noticed the new arrival. "I was just in to see if Temperance would mind being my guest at lunch tomorrow."

Booth felt a stroke coming on. Putting down the food he walked over and reverently kissed the Cardinal's ring. "Really?" he asked. "If you wanted to meet Bones I would have been happy to arrange a meeting Your Eminence."

"Nonsense, Seeley," Brad waved his hand at the suggestion. "After hearing so much about her from Father Mitch I decided it was high time I met this brilliant person myself. Especially as she is such an important person in the life of one of our most prominent parishioners."

Booth preened at the compliment, but at the same time had a number of not so very nice thoughts regarding Mitch, the big snitch. "Well, I'm sure you will have a very enjoyable lunch," Booth said over the big knot in his throat. Oh, yeah. Mitch was a dead man.

"Excellent!" Brad said happily. He turned back to Brennan. "I will see you at the restaurant, Temperance, and I look forward to our conversation."

"I look forward to it, too, Cardinal Thomas," Bones replied, enjoying the very flustered look on Booth's face.

"See you, soon, Seeley," Cardinal Thomas said as he left the office.

Booth immediately turned to Bones. "Discussion?" he managed to squeak out a few octaves higher than usual. "Discussion about what?"

"Sexual morés in the modern world," Bones replied looking into one of the containers. "Did you get the Mee Krob?"

"Screw the Mee Krob!" Booth said firmly. "How the hell did you get to that topic with His Eminence?" he demanded.

"Cardinal Thomas read my book, the one with the scene on page 187, and said that while he enjoys my work, he was concerned about the portrayal of sex and wished to have a discussion on sexual mores in modern culture and how literary works, innocent in themselves, may work to bring about negative sexual practices and consequences," she explained, her eyes lighting up on finding the Mee Krob.

"Oh, God," Booth groaned. "It's bad enough that Mitch thinks I'm a pervert, but now the Cardinal does, too? I'm going to be sent to Hell for sure!"

"Page 187 is not perverted, Booth," Bones told him, amused at his reaction to the sudden invitation from the Cardinal.

"Oh, yeah?" he said a bit sarcastically. "Then how come we have never done it?"

"Because I have only ever wanted to try that with you, and your back would never be able to hold up under the strain," she reminded him. It also reminded him that she had never done page 187 before, so that should assuage his male ego a bit, too.

"But a man of God may not see things like we do," he pointed out, though not saying she was a living sex machine which he was so fortunate to have in his life. "Besides, the Church isn't too keen on the kinky shit."

"How do you know that?" Bones questioned. "Have you ever asked?"

"Hell no!" Booth said, his face turning bright red.

"Then maybe I need to discuss what constitutes sexual perversion with the Cardinal so that perhaps we can put your conscience at ease," she teased.

"Just don't get my ass hauled before some kind of Ecclesiastical Court or something, okay, Bones?" he pleaded, knowing he wasn't going to win this one.

"It's only one conversation, Booth," she reminded him.

Booth spent the remaining minutes of their lunch trying to rid his mind of the horrors that it was creating, but without success. With a sigh, he kissed Bones goodbye, told her that he would pick her up at five since they had dinner plans with Parker, and then left. On his way out of the lab he ran into Hodgins who he pulled off to the side.

"You offer anymore perverted suggestions on sex positions to Angela, the walking Gossip Queen, and I'll turn you into a permanent Eunuch," he said with an angry growl and left the shaking Bug Guy in his wake. Damn Mitch! If Bones got him excommunicated he was going to have a very long sit down with Mitch and make sure his friend knew how pissed a former Ranger/Sniper could get. As it was he was going to be having nightmares all night because of all this crap!

_A/N: I am working on several projects and just returned to this one. I am planning on posting a new chapter for _An End Of Celibacy_ later this week. I hope you enjoyed this one. Gregg._


End file.
